1
Walking alone in the streets of Beirut at night, wrapped in my black jacket and my red cashmere scarf, I wish it were your embrace keeping me warm instead. My boots clink on the pavement tiles but I can't hear them because of the headphones in my ears. Mohamed Mounir reminds me the first time we met. All the songs we listened to together remind me of you. I just keep listening as I walk down the quiet streets.
I think about your strong embrace, and I think about the gentle touch of your hand. I miss the way you make me smile, and I miss playing with your hair while you tell me random stories of your life. Then I remind myself that you are not mine. Yet, I can't stop thinking of you.
2
Gazing at the dark Mediterranean from the old port of Byblos, I'm reminded of how much I love the sea. I’m sitting on the concrete dangling my feet above the rocks and the water. It looks very warm and serene, and you spring into my mind again. I can't help but wonder what you'd think of the place and how you'd feel sitting there with me. I know you'd love it as much as I do. I smile inside, as if the thought of you being happy comforts me even though it is not real.
I enjoy the peace while watching my friends exploring the place and a calm assurance settles into my head. I know that somehow we will both be alright. I want nothing but happiness for you and I wish all your troubles would melt away. Something tells me everything will be fine. It is just a hazy feeling, but it is enough for now.
3
Sitting in a car heading to the coast and listening to Fairuz, I look at the sun sinking into the water and the numerous pictures of faction leaders. I think of struggles, victories, and romance. I'm constantly reminded of you for no reason whatsoever, and I keep missing you. I almost feel angry at myself for thinking of you so much. I'm angry that nothing can come out of it. You are not mine and you will not be. I wonder how to get you out of my mind.
After a while, I just give up. Resistance is futile, so I decide to surrender to the feeling. I let the thoughts of you immerse me. Images and sounds fill my head and they make my heart warm. When I can’t sleep at night, I imagine you there holding me tight until my eyes close.
4
I'm at one of the best night spots in the region, and it's crowded and noisy. The atmosphere is vibrant and the lights are dim. I’m enjoying the new experience and I keep looking around at the place and at the people having fun. To my left, I notice a man smoking a cigarette. Somehow, I see your face in the white smoke against the dark wall, and again I wish you were there with me. I'm used to the feeling now and I welcome it.
You may not be mine but I know you love me. I can feel it in your soft look, in your sweet words, and in your hand wrapped around mine. I know how much you deeply care for me. You were holding me close when I told you how scared I am of losing you. You promised to be always there for me no matter what. I heard it in your voice and in the sound of your beating heart, and I believed you. I believe you will always be part of my life…
